


Boku o wasurenaide kudasai

by Konnerkris



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Amnesia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-17 19:23:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18971485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konnerkris/pseuds/Konnerkris
Summary: Sulu contracts a parasite, which causes amnesia, on an away mission.





	Boku o wasurenaide kudasai

Kirk felt a body slip into his bed. The movement almost pulled him out of his half asleep state but the familiar and comforting smell settled him.

“Sorry to wake you.” Sulu said as he wrapped an arm around Kirk’s waist and slipped a leg between the blond’s.

This snapped Kirk to attention.

“Hikaru.” Kirk said looking to the dark-haired man. It was hard to see his features through the dim light but even if Kirk had gone blind, he could never have forgotten those dark eyes and plush pink lips.

Kirk let the contact between the younger man and himself linger for a moment before pulling away.

“What’s wrong?” Sulu asked looking up to Kirk form under his dark lashes, or so Kirk imagined through the darkness.

“Lieutenant, I think you should go back to your own quarters.” The captain said to Sulu. Almost every night Sulu crawled into Kirk's bed and almost every night Kirk had to send him away and every time he did it broke his heart a little more.

“Why?” Sulu asked.

Kirk could not see the hurt in the younger man's eyes but the two had been through this enough times that Kirk knew the look without needing to see it.

“Computer, lights at fifty percent.” Kirk said to the room, and then to Sulu he said, “Go to your quarters and listen to your personal log.” It was not an order but an encouragement that he wished Sulu would comply with without hesitation, “It will explain everything.”

“Why can’t you explain it to me now?” Sulu asked reaching a hand out to grasp Kirk’s forearm.

“I just feel like you might resent it if I explained why.” Kirk said.

“Don’t be stupid.” Sulu returned, “I could never resent you!”

Kirk's chest grew tight at the falsity of such a declaration but he knew he was not getting Sulu out of his bed without some sort of explanation.

“Ok.” He contented reluctantly, “About five weeks ago there was an away mission to the second moon of a planet called Flogan.”

Sulu hummed dubiously, “I don’t remember that.” He said.

“I know you don’t.” Kirk continued, “You were part of the away team. You had asked to go down after scans indicated some interesting plant life that could contain some kind of antibiotic compounds. But you were separated from the rest of the away team for several minutes and when we beamed you aboard you were unconscious.”

It was clear to Kirk by Sulu's facial expression that he did not believe what the captain was saying.

Next was always the hardest part of the explanation for Kirk. “When you came too, it seemed that you had lost about a year of your memory. Bones says there is some kind of parasite that attacked your brain cells. It is blocking the pathways to any of your memories that have formed in the last year and prevents you from making new ones.”

“What?” Sulu looked to Kirk unbelievingly.

“I’m sorry Hikaru.” Kirk said bowing his head, “I think it would be best if you listen to your personal logs for more of a detailed explanation.”

“Right. Well, I’ll just be going back to my quarters then.” Sulu said but made no move to get out of Kirk's bed. “Would you, would you come with me?”

“I don’t know if that would be appropriate.”

“Jim.” Kirk could feel the real hurt in just that syllable and it resonated in the own aching of his chest.

“Ok, ok. I’ll come with you.” Jim conceded as he almost always did.

Jim slipped out of his bed and pulled on a pair of trousers. Sulu took Kirk's hand and led him out of the captain's quarters. Kirk didn’t have it in him to pull away from the intimate contact.

Sulu’s quarters were only a few doors away from Kirk's, which meant they arrived without anyone else on board seeing them. Not that anyone on board would not have immediately understood the situation if they had seen the two.

Sulu’s quarters were very neat, much neater than the captain's, as they always were.

There was a PADD on Sulu’s bedside table, as it always was. Sulu gestured to Kirk to sit down on the small sofa and went to grab it.

Sulu sat down next to the blond.

“Are you sure you want me here?” Kirk asked one last time already knowing that the pilot had no reason to not want him there.

“Of course I do.” Sulu looked to his captain with a small smile, “I love you.” He said as if it were a valid reason for the captain’s presence.

Kirk tried to give a reassuring smile back but couldn’t quite manage to lift the corners of his lips.

Sulu turned his attention back to his PADD and tapping it a few times a recording that Kirk had heard countless times began to play.

“The captain has asked me to keep a detailed log of my daily events so that I can refer back to them but first of all I need to remind myself of two very important things.”

Kirk bowed his head wondering how many more times he could hear this recording before it broke him.

“Firstly, there is an alien parasite attached to my hippocampus which is preventing access to any memories after star date 2424.0.

“Secondly, Jim and I are no longer together.”

Kirk never knew how Sulu would react to this piece of information. Sometimes he would get angry, kick Kirk out and ignore him for the rest of the day. Sometimes he would demand an in-depth explanation into how and why they broke up. The worst though was when Sulu looked at him with the fresh hurt of the retaliation that they were no longer together.

It was like that then as Sulu looked up from the PADD to Kirk.

“Do you want me to go?” Kirk asked keeping his head down.

Sulu ignored Kirks question instead asking, “Why didn’t you say we weren’t together anymore earlier.” There was a slight angry edge to his voice but it mainly held hurt.

“I’m sorry.” Kirk apologised.

“That’s not an answer.”

“It’s just too hard.” Kirk said after a moment of silence, “It’s too hard for me to tell you because every time I do it’s like we are separating over and over again. It’s easier if you hear it from your log and I don’t have to see the hurt in your eyes.”

“You’re a coward.” Sulu spat at the blond anger suddenly rivalling the hurt in his tone.

“I know.” Kirk bowed his head further.

“I'd like you to go now.” Sulu demanded.

Kirk nodded and left the lieutenant's quarters silently.

When Kirk got back to his own quarters he couldn’t sleep. His chest ached too much and his eyes stung with the tears he was unwilling to shed.

Sometimes he felt that this disease was more a curse on himself than Sulu. Kirk had to re-live the pain of losing Sulu every day but for Sulu by the next day he would have forgotten.

Such a thought made Kirk feel even guiltier.

Kirk decided to take a shower and spend the few remaining hours before his shift catching up on the never ending briefings and reports that fell upon him as captain.

光

“My God man you look like you haven’t slept in a week.” McCoy said as Kirk placed his breakfast tray down on the table and sat down opposite the ship's doctor in the mess hall.

“Lieutenant Sulu came by my quarters this morning.” Kirk said by way of explanation.

“You should change the entrance code on your door.” The doctor said as he always did.

“I can’t. You know I can’t. He wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t get in. He’d think something was wrong.”

“Something is wrong.” McCoy said a little exasperated. “Jim, he isn’t your responsibility.”

“He's part of my crew and as such my responsibility.” Jim explained growing tired with the doctor’s constant rapprochement.

The doctor sighed dramatically. “This is not healthy. You are barely keeping it together. I know the kid broke your heart but you need to move on.”

“The sooner you fix him the sooner I can move on.” Kirk retorted with a little venom in his voice.

“I’m trying Jim but I haven’t found a way to remove the parasite without destroying his brain as well.”

“We can’t give up on him.” Jim insisted.

“And we won’t.” Bones ensured. “But maybe he would be better off in a more specialised facility.

“No!” Kirk refused as he always did.

The two were interrupted by a voice that Kirk was not expecting. “May I sit here?” It was Sulu.

“Or course.” Kirk said without hesitation.

Sulu took a seat opposite Kirk. “Good Morning Doctor McCoy.” He greeted the other man.

“Good Morning Lieutenant. How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad, considering.” Sulu replied easily.

McCoy hummed dubiously. “Alright. I need to get to sick bay but I'll see you there after your shift for your usual check-up.”

“Yes, Sir.” Sulu complied.

“And Jim, think about what I said.”

“I will, Bones.” Jim returned and then the doctor left taking his tray to the recycler.

After a few moments of awkward silence and picking at his eggs Kirk finally said, “I didn’t think you would want to see me.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Sulu said.

“Sorry?” Kirk mimicked, looking away from his plate and towards the young pilot whose eyes were already fixed on Kirk.

“Yes I’m sorry for how I acted this morning.”

“Lieutenant, you have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I spent a long time listening to those logs after you left,” Sulu continued, ignoring Kirk's remark, “and I realise now why you found it so hard to tell me we weren’t together anymore. It’s because you still love me isn’t it?”

Kirk turned away from the instance gaze of the younger man.

“I don’t know why we broke up and I know there must have been a reason but from my point of view I still love you and, and I appreciate everything you do for me.”

Kirk had to look back over to the man that he so desperately loved.

“I know I won’t remember but could we just forget that we ever broke up? Just for today?”

Kirk would have given almost anything to be with Sulu again.

“I’m sorry we can’t.” Kirk gave his reply.

“Why not?”

“Because I would be taking advantage.”

“I want this.” Sulu explained.

“You don’t know that. You're not the real you.” Kirk regretted what he said immediately but against expectations Sulu returned Kirk’s outburst with a smile. “Your stronger than anyone gives you credit for, Captain, and I’m sorry for calling you a coward because you are anything but.” He said, stranding up and picking up his tray. “I'll see you on the bridge.” He said before departing.

光

After Sulu was diagnosed and after a few weeks in medical the Doctor cleared Sulu for active duty. From what McCoy could tell the parasite only acted on the pilot’s recent memory and would not affect his piloting performance.

Seeing Sulu in the bridge in his element, despite his condition always brought Kirk happiness no matter how the events of the morning had unfolded.

After Sulu's shift Kirk knew that he would head down to sickbay as he always did to get a once over by McCoy.

But not long after the pilot had left Kirk received a communique from the doctor requesting him to come to sickbay.

Sulu was sitting on one of the bio beds looking a little anxious but McCoy ushered the captain into his office.

“What’s wrong?” Kirk asked as soon as the door was shut.

“Nothing is wrong. In fact I think I may have found a cure for Sulu’s condition.”

“Well, that’s wonderful news isn’t it?”

“The thing is Jim it’s risky. It will be an experimental procedure involving complicated brain surgery and drug therapies and there is always the chance something might go wrong. There is no danger to Sulu’s life if the parasite remains in his brain.”

“What kind of life will it be though if he can never make new memories?”

“Look, I’ve spoken to the lieutenant and he is willing to take the risk but with his condition he is not exactly in the position to be making these kind of potentially life threating decisions. So as Sulu's current power of attorney and as the captain it's up to you to make the final decision.”

“I’m Sulu's power if attorney?” Kirk asked a little surprised.

“It seems he never change it after you two split.”

Kirk contemplated this for a long moment before he replied. “We have the power to give him his life back so I think it's our responsibility to do everything we can to achieve that. If he consents to the procedure I think we must go through with it.”

McCoy nods his head. “I'll start preparing everything we need. We’ll schedule the surgery for ten hundred hours tomorrow.”

Kirk went out with McCoy to explain what they had decided to Sulu. As soon as McCoy relayed the information that Kirk had consented to the surgery to the lieutenant, the younger man beamed at Kirk and the captain couldn’t help but smile back.

After McCoy had finished apprising Sulu of what he had to do to prepare he was dismissed.

“Thank you, Bones.” Kirk said to his friend before he returned back to the bridge.

After Kirk’s shift ended, which was not long after he had returned form the medical bay, Kirk headed straight back to his quarters. As he walked his feet felt lighter than they had done in weeks.

Kirk was surprised to find Sulu waiting outside of his quarters.

“Lieutenant.” He acknowledged.

“Captain.”

“What are you doing here?” The blond asked.

“I was hoping to talk.” Sulu returned.

“I haven't changed the code. You should have waited inside.” Kirk said punching in the code for quarters.

Sulu looked at him with an odd expression. “I didn’t know if that would have been acceptable.” Sulu said following Kirk into his quarters.

“Your always welcome, Hikaru.” Kirk said truing around to smile at the younger man.

“Why didn’t you change it?” Sulu asked after a moment.

“Change what?”

“The code. I would have thought that if we weren’t seeing each other anymore you would have changed it.”

“I did.” Kirk said, “But after you were infected you started coming by every few days and you would worry when you couldn’t get in. You'd think I was in trouble or that I'd locked you out for some reason. It was just easier to change it back so you wouldn’t have to worry and I could just explain the situation to you.”

Sulu looked at Kirk with an expression Kirk hadn’t seen in a long time before the other man sprang at the blond pressing his lips to the captain’s. Sulu's lips were soft despite the ferocity of the attack.

Sulu’s tongue lapped at Kirks bottom lip begging for entrance and Kirk indulged the request for a moment before pulling away.

“What was that for?”

“I just wanted to kiss you in case it would be the last time.”

Kirk shook his head but held the small smile on his face.

“I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me staying here for the night. I won’t remember I'm having surgery tomorrow and I’ve made a recording relaying everything Doctor McCoy has told me,” Sulu held up the PADD he had been holding, “but I think I’d be a whole lot more comfortable with you around.”

“Of course.” Kirk agreed because he could never have denied Sulu anything, “As long as you don't try to kiss me again.”

Sulu chuckled and agreed.

Doctor McCoy had instructed Sulu not to eat anything that evening so Kirk abstained as well despite Sulu's protests. The two stayed up watching old science fiction movies in Kirk’s quarters and at some point Sulu drifted off to sleep on Kirk’s shoulder.

Kirk carried the younger man to his bed, tucking him under the duvet. He took a clean set of sheets and a pillow form his wardrobe and made up a bed on his sofa for himself.

Kirk feel asleep a little restless about the surgery but hopeful that the man he loved would get his life back.

光

Kirk woke to a something soft pressing ageist his cheek. He opened his bleary eyes to see Sulu hovering above him and couldn’t help but smile.

“Why are you sleeping on the sofa?” Sulu asked.

Kirk sat up. Sulu was still wearing his uniform form the day before.

“Sit down.” Kirk said indicating to the space on the sofa that he had just vacated, “I want to talk to you about something.”

Every other time he’d had this conversation it had been like a knife slowly twisting in his gut but this time there would be a happy ending to the story.

Sulu looked at Kirk worriedly.

“This is probably going to be hard for you to understand but five weeks ago you were infected by a parasite that has been preventing you from forming new memories.”

“What?”

“I know it’s hard for you to believe but yesterday Bones finished developing a treatment to remove the parasite and you are scheduled for surgery this morning.”

“What are you talking about?” Sulu stood up. Kirk understood that if the situation were reversed he too would be suspicious.

Kirk too stood up and garbed the PADD that Sulu had left on Kirk’s table.

“Listen to this. It might help.”

Sulu looked down at the PADD for a long moment, “I’d like to go back to my own quarters.”

“Oh,” The smile dropped from Kirk’s face, “Of course, let me escort you.”

“I think I can manage.” Sulu said and moved to the door. He looked back at Kirk once before slipping out.

Kirk slumped back onto the sofa. With how well yesterday went he had almost forgotten how differently Sulu could react to the news that he had lost his memories and the fact that the Sulu of yesterday did not exist anymore and that any sentiments he had expressed also now no longer existed.

Kirk asked the computer for the time.

There were still four hours till the surgery was scheduled.

“Computer locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock is in his quarters” the computer answered.

Kirk decided to visit his Vulcan friend. It was early but it was probable that the Vulcan was up.

As a senior member of staff, Spock’s quarters were on the same deck as the Captains and it took Kirk only moments to get there.

Kirk pressed the chime on Spock's door and the Vulcan answered swiftly.

“Captain. This is unexpected.” Spock remarked.

“Good Morning, Spock.” The captain returned, “I hope I haven’t disturbed you.”

“I was meditating.” Spock said not really indicating whether Kirk was intruding or not.

“I see, well I don’t mean to intrude.”

“Captain, is there a reason for your visit this morning.”

“Yes, I was just… have you heard about Bones developing a treatment to cure Lieutenant Sulu's condition?”

“I did. It is good news is it not?”

“Yes, yes. I’m just a little bit anxious.”

“That is understandable. You and Lieutenant Sulu have a very close relationship. Would you like to come in to talk?” Spock offered.

“I don’t want to intrude.” Kirk said for the second time.

“You are not.” Spock replied simply and ushered the blond into his quarters.

Spock's quarters were very neat and minimalist except for a few Vulcan trinkets that must have reminded the commander of his home on Vulcan.

Spock gestured for Kirk to sit on one of the two cushions on either side of a low table and Kirk obliged. Spock sat opposite the blond.

“Would you like me to guide you through a meditation? I think it may help to lower your anxiety.”

“Thank you Spock but I was just hoping for some advice.”

“Of course. Captain.”

“Yesterday Sulu was so open with me but this morning he was so withdrawn. I know he can’t remember what happened yesterday but…” Kirk trailed off not sure of the point he was trying to make.

“This time has been very emotionally straining on you captain.” Spock said.

“Even after Bones removes the parasite he said he didn’t know if Sulu will get his memories back. What do I do then? What if he still wants to be together? What if we get together and the thing that drove him to end the relationship comes again. I don’t think I could take it.”

Spock looks at the blond contemplating for a long moment before saying, “Captain, perhaps you should take the day off today. I am perfectly capable of running the ship in your absence. This way you can focus on the lieutenant. Perhaps you can talk to him before the surgery. And you must talk to him after to see where he stands.”

“Perhaps you are right Spock.” Kirk agrees.

“Now, Captain, if you don’t mind, I must be getting back to my morning meditation.”

“Of course.” Kirk said and stood up.

Spock escorted the blond to his door and then with a second thank you Kirk wandered back to his own quarters.

Kirk decided to take a hot shower to try and steam out some of the tension he was feeling.

After long minuets under the hot water he exited his bathroom to find Sulu sitting on his sofa, Kirk’s bed sheets flooded up neatly and hanging on the arm.

“Hikaru.” Kirk said in surprise.

“Ah, sorry Jim. I just didn’t want to be alone.”

“You never have to be sorry.” Kirk returned.

“Will you stay with me until the surgery?” Sulu asked.

“Of course. Let me just put some clothes on.” Kirk replied.

Kirk rifled through his wardrobe and picked out some casual comfortable clothes. He went back into the bathroom to change to save his modestly, or perhaps Sulu's.

“Do you want to watch something?” Kirk asked as he slumps down next to Sulu.

“Actually I was hoping we could talk a bit. When does your shift start?” Sulu asked looking to his watch.

“Actually I took the day off. I didn’t feel right about working while you were undergoing surgery.”

Sulu looked up to Kirk with a smile.

“Thank you.” He said in a voice more genuine than he had heard from Sulu since the whole ordeal had started.

Sulu leaned into Kirk’s personal space. And Kirk swallowed.

“Thank you for everything you have done for me over the last five weeks.”

Sulu tried to lean in further to meet their lips but Kirk backed away.

“Did you listen to your log?” Kirk had to ask.

“I did.”

“Then you know we are separated.”

“I do know.” Sulu leaned back a little. “But I also know that you are the most wonderful person in my life and if these are going to be my last few hours, I want to spend them with you.”

“Sulu leaned back in but Kirk still refused to take advantage of the fact that this Sulu did not have the experience of their break-up.”

“Hikaru. You know I can’t.” Kirk pleaded with the other man to understand. “When you wake up you won’t feel the same. And it will kill me.”

“You don’t know that. Maybe I will have changed my mind. But either way I take responsibility for this here and now no matter what I say and feel after the surgery. Jim Tiberius Kirk, will you be mine even if it’s just for these few hours?”

Kirk swallowed again.

“Please.” Sulu begged.

“Yes. I’ll be yours.” Kirk finally relented because he could never deny Sulu anything.

Kirk caught the quick flash of a full smile before Sulu's lips meet with his. The kiss was rough. Sulu demanded entrance to Kirk’s mouth with his tongue and Kirk granted it. The two kissed deeply for long moments and by the time Sulu pulled away Kirk was flat on his back on the sofa with the younger man straddling him.”

“I love you.” Sulu said, his face only inches from Kirk.

“I love you too.” Kirk said back, his hart clenching with the anxiety that it might be the last time they swap such sentiments.

Sulu lent down to press a gentler kiss against kirk’s lips and at the same time ground his hardness into Kirks thigh a few times but before anything further could happen, he hopped of the sofa.

“Let me make you breakfast.” Sulu said walking away from the small living room space and over to the kitchen area. It only contained the food synthesizer, an eclectic stove and a small work space for preparing food.

There was a bag of something sitting on the counter that Kirk hadn’t notice before.

“Err, thank you.” Kirk said a little confused. He sat up on the sofa and adjusted his own straining erection. “I thought you wanted to…be together?” Kirk asked.

Sulu turned around from unpacking the bag. “I do.” He said with a small smile before turning back to the bag, “But Doctor McCoy told me expressly that I wasn't to engage in any form of sexual relations before the surgery.”

“I see.” Kirk said. He stood up and moved over to the kitchen area. He stood behind the younger man and wrapped his arms around his waist letting his still hard cock lean against the younger man’s lower back. Kirk rested his chin on Sulu's shoulder and nibbled at his ear.

This in no way impleaded Sulu's preparation of the food. He was cutting up vegetables with a very impressive Japanese knife that Kirk knew Sulu had brought when he was visiting relatives in Kyoto.

“Last time I saw these vegetables they were just seedling springing out of the ground.” Sulu commented cutting up a tomato.

“What are you making?” Kirk asked nuzzling into the crook between Sulu’s neck and shoulder and taking in his comforting smell.

“I thought an omelette would make good breakfast food.” He said cheerily.

光

Kirk woke to the sound of automatic doors opening.

Looking around blearily he realised that he was in Bones' office. A moment later he remembered why.

“How is he?” Kirk asked McCoy, who was just lowering into his chair opposite the desk from where Kirk was sat.

“He's alive but unconscious.”

“Thank the gods.” Kirk exclaimed letting a small smile form. “How did it go?”

“I managed to destroy the parasite but any we won’t know if unintentional damage to the surrounding brain tissue or whether Sulu has regained his memories until he regains consciousness.”

“When will that be?”

“Not until tomorrow. So like I said before, you should go back to your quarters and get some rest.”

“Right. Of course.” Kirk made no move to leave. “Can I see him?”

McCoy gave Kirk an odd look but it was not his usual sardonic scowl.

“He's in bio-bed three.” McCoy permits. “But if your still there when I come to check up on him in ten minutes, I’m goanna put you in a medically induce coma as well.”

Kirk chuckled at his friend’s empty threat. “Don’t worry I won’t be.” Kirk promised and strode out of the automatic office doors and into the main medical bay.

Kirk headed towards bio-bed three, which had a curtain pulled around it for privacy.

He pulled it back gently to peek inside. Sulu lay there looking as peaceful as his always did in his sleep. All his thick black hair had all been shaven off but he was still the most beautiful thing Kirk had seen in all the universe. Kirk only looked for a few moments before stepping away and heading back to his quarters.

光

“Lieutenant.” Kirk acknowledged the man that was sat on the floor and lent back on the captain's door to his quarters. “What are you doing here?”

Sulu looked up to Kirk with narrowed eyes, “You've been avoiding me.”

“I haven’t.” Kirk lied, scratching the back of his head.

“You changed your door lock code.”

“I did.” Kirk agreed, “Would you like to come in?” Kirk asked tentatively.

“I would.” Sulu said a little hostilely.

He stood up and Kirk let them both into his quarters.

Kirk gestured for Sulu to sit down on the sofa. Kirk noticed how his hair had grown back quite a lot in the last two days and surmised that it must have been Doctor McCoy's work.

“Would you like anything to drink?” Kirk asked.

“Come sit down would you. I want to talk to you about something.”

Kirk nodded but made to get a glass of ice water from the synthesizer first to try and give himself time to prepare himself. It was not enough. The last two days avoiding Sulu had not been enough.

Kirk sat down opposite Sulu and placed his glass on the table. “Bones said that you have got all your memories back.”

“Yes, even the ones during the five weeks when I could not make new ones. It seems the parasite only blocked the connection but didn’t prevent the memories being made.”

“Oh really, so you remember everything that happened.”

“I do.”

“That must be strange.”

“It is a little. But that’s not what I want to talk about. Not right now anyway.”

“Here.” Sulu passed the blond a PADD.

Kirk looked down at it to see there was a single sentence written on it.

'Listen to this somewhere were Kirk won’t over hear.'

“What's this?” Kirk asked looking back to Sulu.

“It a recoding I made after McCoy told me about the surgery.”

“Right.”

“I want you to listen to it.” Sulu said.

“You do?”

“Yeah.” Sulu took the PADD from Kirk gently and started the recoding.

“I making this recording to remind myself of two things.”

“Firstly, I have been infected with a parasite that has corrupted my memories, which is why I won’t remember recording this message or any of the events of the past eleven months but today Doctor McCoy will be removing it at ten hundred hours. I also must remind myself that eating and sexual intercourse are forbidden.

“Secondly, despite what I have said in my logs and despite what anyone else might say, I still love Jim Kirk. He has told me that we have separated and I have my suspicions on the reasons why but if I listen to the logs of the past five weeks, despite the hurtful and angry things I have said it is clear that Kirk has been prioritising me above his own well-being and it is clear from his actions and the hurt behind his eyes when we talk that he still loves me. So, I implore myself whatever I do don’t waste the few hours before the surgery, they may be the last I have. Spend them with Jim and show him how much I appreciate him and how much I love him.

“If I survive this procedure I don’t know how much I'll be able to recall if anything so for that reason I’m leaving myself this additional recording as well.

“I don’t know why I left Jim but clearly it wasn’t due to of a lack of love. Please I implore myself to look inside my heart, consider what Jim has done for me over the past five weeks and ask myself is being without him worth it. Does he not deserve that love returned? I really hope I make the right decision.”

The recording cut out and Kirk looked up to Sulu, speechless.

“I remember how I felt when I made that recording. It’s the same way I’ve felt ever since I asked you to dance on Relga IV. It’s the same way I felt when I ended our relationship. It’s the same way I felt every day that I was infected even if I did shout at you with anger or ignore you. I’ve always loved you Jim but I felt that you would always prioritise the ship, your career over me. That’s why I left, because I was too selfish to bare sharing you. But over these last five weeks you did everything for me. You sacrificed your sleep your privacy and all the while you refrained from being with me despite your obvious want to be back together because you did not wish to take advantage of me. I understand now how much of a fool I was to ever let you go and how much pain I have put you through by doing so. I hope you can forgive me and if you'll have me because I’d like to be yours once again.”

Sulu's long speech was followed by a long moment of silence.

“I understand if you don’t want me back.” Sulu broke the silence, bowing his head.

Kirk took Sulu’s hand gently and the younger man looked up to Kirk through his lashes.

“I want you to fuck me right now.” Kirk demanded.

Sulu chuckled. “That wasn’t the answer I was expecting but I’m happy to oblige.” He said before almost pouncing on Kirk and mashing their lips together.

The kiss was deep, with the two men trying to feel as much of each other as possible as if they had been starved for body contact their entire lives.

As suddenly as he had initiated the kiss Sulu pulled way, standing up and dragging Kirk over to his huge bed.

Sulu stripped Kirk of his shirt and trousers all the while kissing and nipping at the exposed skin on his collar bones and the inside of kirk’s thigh respectively.

Once Kirk was just in his underwear Sulu began to tear at his own clothes and, with the help of Kirk's eager hands, was soon stripped down to his synthesized boxers too.

Sulu brought his lips to his captain’s once again and they rutted against one another, their erections rubbing through the thin fabric of their Starfleet issue pants.

It felt good and Kirk didn’t want it to stop but after almost a year of abstinence he wanted Sulu inside of him.

“I thought.” Kirk said ripping his lips away from the younger man's, “you were going to fuck me.”

Sulu smirked at Kirk, or perhaps it was a smile. Kirk’s words were all the encouragement the pilot needed to remove the remaining items if clothing.

Kirk found a slick finger prodding at his entrance - he wasn’t sure when Sulu had retrieved the lubricant.

Sulu’s slick finger slipped inside. It had been a while for Kirk. He hadn’t felt comfortable sharing his bed with anyone else after he and Sulu had spilt and for a moment the intrusion was unsettling.

Sulu may have seen this in Kirk’s facial features because he chose this moment to start kissing the blond again. This time the kiss was softer and more sensual than the frantic kiss before and Kirk relaxed as Sulu stretched him.

Kirk accepted a second finger from Sulu easily in his relaxed state and he felt the pilot’s smile against his lips.

Sulu suddenly pulled his lips away from Kirk’s and Kirk almost protested against the lack of contact but before he could the younger man wrapped his lips around Kirk’s swollen cock and began to suck.

Kirk flung his head back against the pillow and let out a long moan of satisfaction.

Sulu continued to suck and finger fuck Kirk until he was in raptures.

When Sulu pushed inside, Kirk hardly fell any pain at all and as good as the fellatio was, he was glad to have Sulu’s lips back on his and the younger man’s tongue prodding and probing Kirk’s mouth.

Sulu rutted into Kirk and Kirk grabbed his own cock and stroked himself. The smell of Sulu, the feeling of slick skin against slick skin and the stretch of the younger man’s thick cock inside of him was heady.

When Sulu suddenly pulled out of the kiss and stuck his tongue into Kirk’s ear, the blond groaned ineloquently and shot out long strings of cum over his stomach and his chest as the orgasm wracked his frame.

Sulu came shortly after and landed heavily next to the blond.

They showered shortly after and when the two were tucked under crisp, clean sheets, Sulu nuzzling into the crook between Kirk's neck and shoulder, his soft hair brushing against Kirks skin and Sulu’s comforting smell cocooning him, Kirk couldn’t help but feel that the part of his soul that had been missing for the past eleven months had returned and finally felt whole again.

～完～


End file.
